Conviction

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me









Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity"

Hillsong United's "Hosanna" lyrics have become my daily prayer over the last year. If any of you know me well - most of you probably do not - you know the last two years have been a time of complete life change for me. I went from living in the depths of sin, in rebellion against the life to which I have been called according to His purpose, to rejuvenation. I learned what forgiveness truly is, and experienced God's love and grace for the first time in all its fullness. Two years ago, I could care less what God wanted for my life: I was hurting badly and looking anywhere for answers. A little over a year ago, He broke me completely and started bringing me back to Himself. By January of this year, I wanted nothing more than to grow every day in Him, stretching out towards His power and pouring His love out on other people. As I embraced the above prayer, I had no idea where He might take me.

This summer, I was on Ozark Christian College's camp teams and had one goal for my prayer life: I wanted to seek God's will. My first year at OCC was incredible for spiritual growth and formation but I was ready for more. God was placing within my heart a desire to do something for His kingdom. I asked that He would open doors for a ministry, and give me a reason to learn
everything I'm studying here.

The summer was a whirlwind, starting with Bob and Corrine Talbot, community developers in Mozambique, who were responsible for drawing my heart towards missions and challenging me to think about this avenue of ministry. As the summer progressed, I couldn't shake the idea of investigating mission work for myself. Everything within me cried that it was irrational at this time in my life: I should do camp teams again next summer, because I won't be getting a pell grant next year do to a change in my parents' income. I should stay in Joplin and work next summer, so I can take summer classes and push my degree along further. I should stay with my family, because we're all growing up and won't be together that many more years.

No matter what I told myself, I couldn't shake the Spirit's prodding. He was at work in my heart. By the first of October, I was beginning to think of the idea of a short-term experience next summer as a possibility, not a crazy idea. It was in Dallas, TX, at a national Christian Counselors and Psychologists' convention, that the Spirit confirmed this in my heart. As WorldHelp organization presented the work they do with AIDs orphans in Africa, they brought a group of children onto the stage - young musical performers spreading news of the need their people have for help. I had tears running down my face that I could not control as I heard within my heart only these words: "Take care of my children." I never cry. I never show emotion. The Spirit had such a hold on my heart and would not let me look away as He solidified in my heart that I was to go to the broken, the fatherless, and the sick. Conviction is a difficult thing indeed to explain to an unbeliever.

This left me with a strong prayer focus and a very big problem: Africa is a huge place, and the missions to this continent are almost innumerable in focus, availability for interns, and location they take trips. I didn't want to go somewhere that I would be treated as a tourist, allowed to hold and care for the children as one might coddle small animals on a field trip to the zoo. I wanted to go where there was a need, and I knew this was within God's plans. About a week after Dallas, a week spent in constant prayer, I decided to approach Tresor Yenyi, a senior here at Ozark who is from the Democratic Republic of Congo. God was at work once again, and threw open a door to the work of Shining Light Ministries.

There are many details I cannot place within this post, but in summary I plan to spend next summer in the Democratic Republic of Congo, working in Kinshasa for Shining Light Ministries. I feel so underqualified and unprepared that I am almost hopeless! I am depending on the knowledge of missionaries much wiser than I and on God's protection to make sure I don't forget to do anything before I go...I started this mission with no idea where to even start preparing!

I ask for prayer in the following areas:
We should know in two weeks if this trip can become a reality, and what the potential time frame will be. Shining Light is facing some very exciting changes and partenerships that are keeping everything up in the air for the moment.
I need confidence and constant assurance that I am not just a crazy college student, jumping on a soap box for some world problem. It's so easy for Satan to distract me from the reasons I'm going.
My parents are terrified, at best, and while my dad is (and always has been) highly supportive of anything I know I need to do, my mom is subtly reminding me continuously that Canada needs missionaries too and that would be a very safe place for me to spend my summer.
Fundraising will need to begin as soon as the trip is confirmed and travel schedule more certain. I know Americans feel that we are in tough economic times, but pray that people will see what really matters, and that God will break their hearts for what breaks His.

Thank you all for your prayers and support so far! I'll write more soon on specifics about Shining Light Ministries and the work to be done in the DRC.

JP